Parenting Struggles: A Compilation of Stories from Fathers
Most fathers try their hardest to provide the best possible for their families and children - be it with time or finances. However, fatherhood is often fraught with challenges. While each father’s journey is different, their stories of breakthroughs, small victories and inevitable mistakes unite them as they navigate the tricky terrain of parenting.
In this article, we will be sharing stories of dads who faced various struggles but the one thing they all had in common was the love for their children. We hope their stories are inspiring and give you the strength to continue being the wonderful father you are.
Juggling Fatherhood and Being a Paediatrician
Being a father is supposed to be what I do for a living. It should be easy. It’s not, at least with our daughter. She is my only child and partly due to being a paediatrician, I can safely say in my professional experience, she was also the worst baby ever…sort of.
When you have a two-year-old who has never slept through the night and gets most of her nutrition from chocolate milk, salmon sushi, and noodles with canned tomato sauce, you realize fatherhood may not be that easy after all. It’s not just my opinion. A very experienced and talented paediatrician I worked with years ago back in Maine actually admitted that, yes, she is the pickiest eater he had ever seen. And yes, chocolate milk is not on any “healthy foods” list. It was organic and in a glass bottle from a local dairy, so I could at least try to pretend it was healthy!
She somehow survived and is off to college next March. So my overall philosophy is to just relax. You only have so much control, and it got less and less as she got older. There always can be problems, and as a cancer doctor, I have seen more than my fair share which is why all you need to do is try your very best.
The best choice I like to believe I made was making it a point to take time away from work and travel with my family. The experiences and time we had together matter so much more than my career or bank account balance. Nothing makes up more than just being together. There are so many things I remember, and just like everyone else, it’s good, bad, fun, stressful and almost every other feeling. I guess as Father’s Day arrives, I am just happy to have her and look forward to seeing her continue to grow up. And maybe someday I will understand how she decided she wants to be a lawyer.
Dr Leo Hamilton, is the resident paediatrician at Kids Clinic @ Novena and is a US board-certified Paediatrician since 2003. Dr Leo relocated to Singapore in 2011, caring for expat and Singaporean children from newborns at delivery to teenagers. Beyond his background in Hematology/Oncology, he has an interest in asthma, behavioural issues (primarily ADHD), teen health, and modern management of routine childhood illnesses such as ear infections, bronchiolitis, and pneumonia.
Looking After a Gym and a Child
By Shaun Pang
To be honest, being a father was never on my mind before meeting my wife, Adeline. 4 years after we got married, my wife gave birth to our son, Chase, and that changed my perspective on being a father. As all parents can attest to, raising a child is demanding and exhausting but fulfilling all at the same time – this was something that I couldn’t comprehend prior to having Chase. While there’s undeniably fatigue and stress raising a child, all these emotions melt away when he smiles, runs up to me to give me a hug and a kiss.
Due to the nature of being a strength coach and running my own gym, my working hours are non-conventional. I’m out of the house before Chase wakes up and when I’m back home at night, he’s already fast asleep. Thankfully, I’m able to make time during the day to head home to see him, even if it’s just for a short period. There are many times whereby I felt guilty for not being able to spend more time with him. Not being able to be with him more pains me but I tell myself that it’s to give my family a better future. After a year, I realised the importance of spending time with Chase and informed my clients that I’ll stop taking appointments on Sundays – the entire Sunday is now devoted to family time. On hindsight, this was something that I should have done earlier.
Time is a finite commodity – juggling between building a business and raising a child can get tough. When you're spending time with your child, I believe that giving them 100% of your attention means the world to them. I routinely notice parents being engrossed with their phones when they're with their kids – being physically there is important but to be mentally present as well is key. The next time you spend time with your kids, leave your phone behind and really immerse yourself in that fleeting moment of your child’s life.
Shaun Pang is a strength coach at Hygieia and enjoys coaching individuals to help them be stronger. A happy father of one, he does not let his busy work schedule get in the way of spending precious time with his son. Sometimes, that includes working out with his son too but anything that makes his kid smile and laugh is a win in his books.
The Strength and Perseverance of a Single Dad
By Sriman
Being a single dad was something I never thought would be my reality, but unfortunately, this was the situation I saw myself in when my daughters were 14 and 18. Such volatile years that would eventually shape them into the beautiful and strong women they are today!
The journey was not an easy one. Any parent would agree with me that the teenage years are always the worst for us. That coupled with a loss in the family was not a good combination. Arguments and tantrums over the silliest things were a common occurrence in our household. I did not want to alienate either of my girls by taking sides nor did I want to encourage them to continue fighting with each other. Furthermore, work was getting busy as I wanted to make sure no matter what, my daughters still had a bright future ahead of them.
When I had to go overseas for work, my thoughts were always with my daughters. Are they fighting? Are they coping ok in school? It was not easy but we had a wonderful support system in the form of close friends of the family. When I was away, they would always check in with my girls and reassure me that they are doing fine. When I was back in Singapore, they would constantly drop by either with food (to make sure we were eating properly) or to just simply spend time with us. Even though our extended family members were all in India, not once did we ever feel like we were all alone.
I also spent more time meditating and reading various books to learn more about how to manage my own emotions and at the same time, be there for my children. I would also make time for them and ensure we engage in family bonding time even if it was as simple as watching a movie together. We always made it a point to go out somewhere special for important occasions like birthdays or Father’s Day ;). My girls also found ways to show him how much they loved and appreciated me in the small gestures they would do such as preparing my favourite meal for dinner after a long workday.
Raising a child is not easy, let alone when you have to do it by yourself. But remember, you are never truly alone! Do not be afraid to ask for help if you need it and trust me, all of the tough times are worth it when your girls tell you how much they love and appreciate you (even if one some days they might not always show it).
To all fathers out there, you are more strong than you could ever know, so do not give up. And Happy Father’s Day!
Sriman is a single dad with 2 grown daughters. When he is not busy at work being an engineer, he spends his free time reading or spending time with family and friends. He also enjoys going on long walks and watching funny movies. Seeing his daughters happy is more than enough to keep him happy.
The Secret to Being a CEO and a Father
By Dr Beng Teck Liang
Parenthood is something almost everyone looks forward to, myself included. I am a happy dad of 2 boys aged 12 & 15. I love being a father but to be completely honest, it is definitely tough to juggle a very intense role as the CEO of a company and fatherhood.
I basically have to work 24/7. If something comes up at work, more often than not I have to address it immediately. With so many modes of communication especially with apps like Whatsapp, I basically have no excuse to not deal with issues when they crop up. As a result, I do find it is tough to get a good balance oftentimes.
But the COVID-19 pandemic has surprisingly been a blessing in disguise. The circuit breaker enabled me to actually properly hang out with my family. I got to spend a lot of quality time with my kids. We always made it a point to have most of our meal times together. Apart from that, I would also go for a swim or a run with my sons. All these extra pockets of time together were much needed.
I also always look forward to the yearly holidays my wife and I plan for our family. We usually bring our children overseas where they can broaden their horizon and experience the world at large. We also enjoy the occasional ski trip. Under normal circumstances, we are all so busy that the annual family vacation is the best time for us to kick back, relax and just enjoy our time together.
When I was growing up, my parents were very strict. My wife’s upbringing was quite similar to mine too so we knew from the get-go that we did not want to do that with our boys. We believe in having open communication with them as well as building a loving and trusting relationship. We are also firm when we need to be but we try to be as understanding as we can! There is no one right way to raise a child so I just believe in doing the best you can and simply enjoying the company of your child.
When you are busy with work, it is easy to get distracted and as a result, not have as much time to spend with your children. I feel that it is important to make time and also put in the effort to find ways to bond with your children. Another thing I find useful is to plan ahead and stick to it as much as you can! Your children will greatly appreciate it and you will find it easier to achieve that work-life balance.
Dr Beng Teck Liang has been the CEO and Executive Director of SMG since 2013. But being the CEO of a company does not make dad duty easier so Dr Beng always goes the extra mile to ensure he spends quality time with his children. He also ensures his kids can come to him no matter how big or small the problem they are facing is and has a strong bond with them.
