Parenting Struggles: A Compilation of Stories from Mums
Contributed by: Kids Clinic
The following stories are from mothers who struggled and overcame their parenting challenges. We hope they provide some encouragement to mums who are navigating their own motherhood journey. You can do it!
Since I was a child, I knew I wanted to be a mum as I’ve always loved babies (this is also why I chose to be a PD). They’re so innocent and cute so I never had a doubt in my mind that I wanted to be a mum. My dream came true when I was still in training to be a PD in the UK --I gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl. It was around this time that I was working in the ICU taking care of sick children. I would go home everyday, close to tears as seeing the children in the ICU reminded me of my baby girl. That was definitely a very emotionally taxing period for me.
We eventually moved to Singapore but it was just my daughter and I. My husband was still in the UK. It was not easy as I worked long hours but as my daughter grew older, she was more understanding when I was on-call or had to leave in the middle of the night to attend to a patient! I also tried my best to spend time with her even when I was exhausted after a long day at work. I savoured moments like when I would drive her to school in the morning as I would get her undivided attention and could grill her about everything under the sun.
One important thing I learned as a working mum whose husband was overseas was that I should not be afraid to ask for help. It did not mean I was a bad mother! I had a helper at home and she definitely helped me achieve work-life balance. I was also very honest with my daughter if I was unable to spend time with her or if I missed something important to her like a performance. But I always made sure to make it up to her in other ways (this always helps).
It was definitely harder to manage without my husband on some days but seeing my daughter blossom into the wonderful girl she is today made it all worthwhile!
Dr Wendy Sinnathamby is one of the resident paediatricians at Kids Clinic @ Mt Alvernia. She is a General Paediatrician with more than 20 years of experience. She completed her Paediatric specialist training in the UK and is experienced in newborn screening, growth and development screening, emergency paediatrics, vaccination, travel advice and adolescent medicine. When she is not working, she spends time with her daughter.
Continuing Her Passion for Teaching in a Different Way as a SAHM
By Jacinth Liew
Hello! I am Jacinth, the mummy behind Our Little Playnest. I took a break from teaching in 2016 and became a SAHM to my 2 children, aged 4 and 6 years old. I am still very passionate about education, so even though I left the classroom, I continued to teach! My children became my students and I started Our Little Playnest to document our play journey. Over the years, I used this platform to champion the value of play and to empower parents with positive parenting strategies so that they can yell less and connect more with their children. I even used my own personal experiences to reassure fellow mums it is ok to make mistakes as long as you learn from them and strive to do better.
It is no easy feat to manage both work and kids. I found myself struggling with this as there was so much I wanted to achieve in one day. But over the years, I realised there were more important things than being the “perfect” parent. Sometimes, just being there for your child is more than enough.
Being a SAHM is a full-time job but if you would like to continue working, a balance can easily be achieved. We have a routine and my children know it well. I will spend time playing with them, set up play invitations before I start serving the students in my online course. I take advantage of their downtime or after they go to bed, to do my work.
I highly recommend that mummies fill up their children’s emotional cups in the morning (by spending quality time with them!) before getting busy with work. In addition, having a visual schedule creates predictability, and children thrive when they know what to expect. This will likely reduce the number of times they come pestering you “mummy what should we do? When are you free? When can we eat?"
You are not alone in this struggle and I would like to wish a happy mother’s day to all the supermamas out there!”
Jacinth Liew is a school teacher turned stay-at-home-mom to two kids. She is dedicated to empowering parents to connect meaningfully with their children. With close to 30K followers, she’s been helping many mummies on topics from positive parenting to play-based learning. The many activities she often shares with her followers have been a huge hit with parents.
Follow her on Instagram.
A Pregnancy During Covid-19 (While Being a Doctor)
The news of being blessed with a gift of a new life would have been nothing more than a joyous one for many. However, being an expectant mother during this uncertain time of COVID-19 can be stressful to some. Many plans might have been foiled, be it getting a confinement nanny, attending antenatal classes or shopping for the new baby. But we’re not alone! Preparing for a newborn amidst these uncertain times and the changes at work can be stressful, but it’s important to have a positive outlook and keep healthy.
Personally, there have been many changes at work. As a healthcare professional, I closely monitor the situation and updates from MOH, ensuring we conduct screening and tracking of our patients and accompanying family members. My team and I also don the appropriate PPE to keep everyone safe.
When I’m at home, I will discuss with my husband about our plans for the care of the baby and ensure we have an alternative plan on standby. Given the nature of our jobs, there can be a possibility that we might need to isolate ourselves at some point. Hence, having such discussions early is helpful to give us peace of mind and set the expectations right, reducing any potential stress. While it might be disappointing that there are no physical baby fairs or stores for us to get our newborn items, I must say that I’m glad these baby fairs are now online! I am thankful for not needing to plough through the crowd and the many confusing stores! Now I can get all the goods I want with the click of my finger, in the comfort of my home.
With the current circuit breaker, we must all figure out ways to keep ourselves healthy and fit. Explore your food choices and habits and enjoy growing your baby. Fellow mummies, you can do it!
Dr Chua Xiuzhen is the resident paediatrician at Kids Clinic @ Bedok. She is a General Paediatrician and a member of the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health (RCPCH, United Kingdom). With a strong belief in optimising every child’s potential, Dr Chua is dedicated to providing personalised care for children and their families.
The Tenacity of a Single Mum
By Kimmie Gill
Hello, my name is Kimmie Gill and I’m 36 this year. I’m a single mum of two - my son is 8 years old and my daughter is 6 years old. I love my little family and the life we have built together, and while some of our experiences were not ideal, I wouldn’t change anything because it makes me appreciate what I have now so much more!
I was 24 when I got married to my ex-husband. We had been dating since secondary school and were each other’s “first love”. We had the full support of our families and for 3 years our lives couldn’t have been more perfect. Unfortunately, when our son was 1, my ex-husband lost his job and turned to other vices like gambling, drinking and verbal abuse. I tried my best to see the good in him but when I found myself pregnant, I knew that I could not continue to expose my children (and myself) to a life like this any longer.
I had been hesitant to tell anyone from my family about what was going on as I knew there was always a stigma associated with divorce, but at that point I knew I could no longer keep it to myself. Words cannot express how relieved I was to hear my parents and in-laws say they would support me no matter what.
At 7 months pregnant with my daughter and with my son at almost 2, I officially filed for divorce. We sold the house and moved back with our respective parents, with my mother really being the pillar of strength I needed in that trying time. Not once did she question my choices or shame me for the decision I made - she showed me what being a mother truly meant. My children on the other hand, bring so much love and joy to me and my parents. My parents-in-law still treat me as their own daughter, and I make it a point to bring my children over to their place at least once a week. If I could be half the parent my parents and in-laws are, I would consider my parenting journey a success!
My kids understand why their dad isn’t very present in their lives, but that doesn’t mean there is any less care, love or support. They are happy, healthy and fun-loving. While this wasn’t the life I envisioned 10-15 years ago, I am still very blessed. If I could overcome these struggles, all you mummies out there can do it too. There is nothing a mother’s love cannot do!”
Kimmie Gill is a single mum of 2 lovely children. She works hard to provide a stable and supportive environment for her children. Despite all that she has been through, she is always smiling and is an inspiration to all those around her. Kimmie is also very private so this is all you are going to learn about her!
Balancing Career Aspirations and Motherhood
By Carolyn Goh
When I was still single, my niece was living with us. She was an adorable little baby but I would dash out of the room every time her diaper was being changed. I could not stand the smell of her poo. But when I had my 3 kids, my mindset completely changed!
My first pregnancy went by ok even though I had really bad morning sickness. My workplace was really supportive and I got to work from home so that really helped. However as I had my second and third child, I found myself struggling a lot more. I was going through a lot of emotional and hormonal changes. I remember there was one time I was breastfeeding my baby and my son was crying on the bed. I was at a complete loss on what to do until my husband came into the room to comfort our son.
My husband was truly my pillar of support and always helped me in any way he could. My parents and in-laws were always close by with a helping hand too so I knew I could rely on them if things ever got tough.
I always have been great at multitasking so when I became a mother, I knew I could still have a career and be a good mum. Back in the day, I remember I switched jobs as I wanted to challenge myself and get out of my comfort zone. But I did not want to compromise on the time I spent with my 3 children. My new job required me to travel a lot so I would sacrifice sleep and take a lot of red-eye flights so I could have breakfast with my kids and bring them to school. This took a toll on my health.
I realised it was important to balance my expectations when it came to being a mother and having a career. It took some time but over the years, I worked on the guilt I used to feel when I was working and not spending time with my children and vice versa. I always wanted to portray myself as the perfect mum who could balance home life and a career but I realised I did not have to prove myself to anyone. I had to cut myself some slack. Every parenthood is a journey and as your children grow and learn, so do you! Being a mother is the most important thing to me and motherhood has shown me the strength I never knew I had.”
Carolyn is the GM of Kids Clinic, IT Director for Singapore Medical Group AND the Co-Founder of HiDoc. When she is not busy at work, she spends her spare time with her 3 children. With some kopi-o from Toast Box, there is nothing she cannot achieve once she sets her mind to it. To Carolyn, simply being a mother is an achievement in itself.
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